so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
