i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
