i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
