It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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