I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
