Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
