I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
