Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
