Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
