I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize