i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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