hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Randomize
