She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
