false alarm. still invincible.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dear god my vagina.
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