she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
