:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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