We're facebook friends in real life
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
