okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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