They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
