Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
