i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
