This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My vagina is officially offended.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
