Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
