She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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