this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
