I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can't turn off my feet"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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