i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize