Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
