How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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