dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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