D3 body, D1 cock
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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