I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
