I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
