Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
