I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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