So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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