He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize