dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
