he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
