Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
