May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
