so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
