I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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