Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
