we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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