You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
