Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize