Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
