I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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