i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
