last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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