I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
