by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
