Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
