why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
