my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize