Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
there was a trapeze. enough said
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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