3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
