I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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