This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
