can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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