My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
