I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
