What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
