i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
