We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
