I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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