so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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