Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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