Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
the raccoons are back...
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