Cold hands, warm shart.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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