either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
