Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
