you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
