We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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