I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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