I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Do vagina's smell?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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