it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
