I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
