i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
