I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
