grandma shit on top of the toilet
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
