A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
