you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
