I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
