youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
