he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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