I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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