she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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