she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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