so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
