suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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