erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
