Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Even my vagina gasped.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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