Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
