I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
