Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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